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This is one of those stories I found on a friend's old blog. After reading the Emperor Liang Repentance I thought of this story and had to dig it back out and share it with everyone. Enjoy!
On Greasy Hair and Lousy Cooking
For centuries, many religious folk believe that spiritual practice is the antidote for everything, be it emotional, intellectual, physical, social, or for morbid hallucinations sparked by working three hours overtime. Indeed, it is a mistake to think that spirituality will make us apt in all other areas. Some people possess brilliant minds but don't have the slightest sense of compassion; some people may strictly uphold moral dignity but lack the know-how to influence society; and others can be seasoned meditators but are emotionally blind. Let us take Bodhidharma and Emperor Liang for example....
"Ah! Master Bodhidharma!"
"What's up Emperor?"
"It is an honor to finally meet Your Highly Consecrated One in person. I have just been dying to see you!"
"Dying?"
"It's only a figure of speech."
"Can I have your computer?"
"No! You cannot have my computer! ...Anyhow, I am pleased to say that throughout my prosperous reign, I have liberally funded the construction of hundreds of temples, provided generous donations to the Sangha, and most important of all, manipulated religion into grist for my mill."
"What was that?"
"Never mind. So please, Oh Ridiculously Venerated One, please tell me how much merit and virtue I have generated. Surely my efforts surpass even those of King Ashoka."
"Frankly speaking, there isn't an ounce of merit and not a teensy bit of virtue, but I can tell you what there is."
"What?"
"A head infested with extremely greasy hair. Perhaps shampooing with a bit of--"
"Get out! Out! OUT! I should've known this relationship wasn't going to work!"
"Does this mean I can have your computer?"
"OUT!!"
Bodhidharma was no doubt a master cultivator, but being the severe man he was, it didn't cross his mind to answer in a different fashion; he spoke directly from his Zen mentality (i.e. he could've suggested shampooing after establishing cheery relations with the emperor). In other words, Bodhidharma was lacking in EQ. In this respect, Zen Master Zhi Gong deserves high praise, for we all know that he was Emperor Liang's spiritual advisor for many a year. If it weren't for his social adaptation skills, he would've been kicked out just as fast as Bodhidharma.
Evidently, one of the skills that many people lack is speaking to the situation at hand. Of course, I'm a lousy speaker myself, in fact I¡¦m pretty taciturn, especially when my cyclic mood swings kick in, but let's just shove that aside and share some communication pointers. There are many elements to speaking well, but there are three which I think are very essential.
Rule #1: Affirm before you negate. Have you ever wondered why people distance themselves from criticism? Easy. It's hard on the ears. What we can do to remedy that is to say a few words of recognition prior to the criticism. Let's say we go to a restaurant and order a unique looking dish. Pretty soon we start attacking the food with all the glutton we've got, but lo and behold! it tastes like vomit. What is our instinctive response? "Eh cook! This stuff tastes like Ron's cooking!" Despite our impulsive urge to blurt such a statement, it is far much wiser to say instead, "Excuse me sir, this is excellent Pepsi. I have never tasted such a fine mixture of carbon dioxide and fructose. Ah! It just brings my taste buds to heaven! Who is your supplier? ...Hmm...I see...yes...well, if you don't mind, this dish here doesn't seem to agree with my stomach. Somehow it reminds me of Ron's cooking. I think I'll just have a burger with chili on the side. Thank You." You see? Easy! By saying something positive, the person is happy and thus open to criticism. It's just a matter of equilibrium.
Rule #2: Speak in the positive. This is somewhat akin to Rule #1, but is used in different situations. The first rule is said when we want to alter or improve something without offending others. The second is a kind of positive statement or command. Let's learn from the following examples....
NO: Your room is a mess.
YES: Would you please clean your room?
NO: Tired? Use your brain you idiot. Who told you to stay up so late?
YES: You won't be so tired if you sleep earlier.
NO: You've been late four times in a row.
YES: Please be more punctual. That would surely save us some time.
Negative speech addresses the problem without giving a solution; positive speech directly addresses the solution. One hinders cooperation; the other offers an impetus for cooperation. Of course it is alright to state the problem, but be sure to always suggest the solution. If you notice, little kids will usually continue to make a racket if you say, "You guys are being too loud in there!" That's because their brains are not yet capable of immediate response; they are acting on primitive impulse. Therefore, by giving a solution, "Please lower the noise," they will more likely obey. Subtle, but essential.
Rule #3: Never blurt derogative labels. This is something that all of us do all the time. "You're such a brat!" "How bratty can you get!?" "You are the ultimate embodiment of brattiness." "Stupid idiot! When are you ever going to learn!" This list can continue forever. Labeling somebody like this not only impedes cooperation, but worsens the situation. This is easy to understand, so I won't elaborate further.
And those are the three pointers! Sure, I'm not a social chameleon, but it's always good to learn a bit more. Here's a parting quote from a favorite book of mine: Someone who grasps the art of speaking is someone who can give others lasting hope and confidence. Peace and have a zenny day!
Posted by pemadorje385 at 9:17 PM 0 comments
Friday, August 1, 2008
Monks stay calm during California quake
This is something that I found on Buddhist Channel--I admire how much patience and concentrations the monks have. Take a look and see what you think.
The Associated Press, July 30, 2008
CHINO HILLS, California (USA) -- A monk felt the ground shake violently inside a Thai Buddhist temple, and his thoughts calmly drifted toward the birth of Buddha.
For Thawatchai Imprapra, the magnitude-5.4 earthquake that shook Southern California on Tuesday was not a time to panic but to remember the special religious meaning behind seismic events. There were no immediate reports of serious injuries or major damage from the quake.
The 52-year-old monk from Thailand said he and six other monks were finishing their lunch at the Wat Buddhi Buddhist Temple when a "boom, like a small explosion" shook the ground and rattled panels off their kitchen wall. He said he remained calm, noting that seismic events accompanied the three important steps in the life of the Buddha — his birth, his enlightenment and his first sermon.
"When you offer your life for the Buddha, if something happens let it happen," he said.
Imprapra did not know it at the time, but he and his fellow monks were directly above the earthquake's epicenter. The temple sustained minimal damage from the quake — which Imprapra said was by far the largest since he came to the U.S. in 1989.
Others in the neighborhood did not react as calmly to the shaking. Gay Caldwell, 72, recalled sitting inside her mobile home when she felt the ground trembling and panicked.
"I screamed for my husband three times," she said, "I says, 'Jesus Christ,' and my cereal fell right out of my spoon. It really shook our place."
Like thousands of others in Chino Hills, Caldwell and the monks shrugged off the earthquake by midafternoon and were returning to business as usual.
from http://pemadorje385.blogspot.com/
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